letter to myself at age 13
hey, younger francesca. older francesca here. i’m just writing you this letter because you are going through the single most important phase of your life. not really. but you think you are. that’s actually lesson #1. NONE OF THIS MATTERS. i mean, really. the drama of junior high, the prospect of high school, that spelling test you got less than an A+ on. Seriously. IT’S FUCKING SPELLING. NO ONE GIVES A SHIT. moving on.
2. that guy isn’t worth it. you know who. not just him, but all of them. FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. here’s the thing with guys your age, plus the guys that will be your age forever: they aren’t that great. yes, you think they are. but honestly, in, like, seven years you’re gonna see them at joe’s downtown, showing off their skateboarding wounds, and you will wonder what you ever saw in him. or they’ll be married with kids, but their kids are fugly, and you’ll thank your lucky stars it never worked out because dear god if those kids were yours you would question your love for them. that ugly. you’re a terrible person btw.
3. stop trying to be cool. trust me on this. no one is cool. and once you stop trying to be, the easier and more fun life will end up being.
4. that middle part in your hair does not work for you. side part that shit. you’ll thank me later.
5. in like a year you’re gonna want to put Sun-In in your hair, thinking you’ll look cool with blonde highlights. please listen when i say put the bleach bottle down and walk away. it will turn your hair orange. your mom won’t let you dye it back and you’ll have to let it grow out and put up with that one bitch in your p.e. class asking you if you meant for it to “look like that.”
6. spend more time with your dad. SPOILER ALERT he’ll be gone before you know it.
7. that duet with N*SYNC will never happen. plus, a duet is for two people, not six. you need to learn more.
8. save your diaries. keep writing in them, for that matter. pour all the emotional turmoil you are going through onto each page. one day, whilst cleaning out your room, you are going to find these diaries and laugh your ass off over them. this is really for my entertainment value.
9. they’ll catch Bin Laden in 2011. bet someone in your class 20 bucks that this will happen. collect later. buy yourself a drink to celebrate victory, both for yourself and america.
10. jennifer aniston and brad pitt are going to break up. brace yourself.
11. give up on sports. honestly. you’re embarrassing yourself. use that time instead to read a book or something.
12. when you finally get your braces off after you graduate from high school (i know. mourn it out now), wear your retainer.
13. don’t be afraid of failure. i say this as i type from your mom’s house at age 23, and i mostly tell you this so you’re not so hard on me later on. that said…
14. try harder in school, or else you’ll end up still living with your mom at age 23. this picture i’m painting for you isn’t too great, i realize that now.
15. go to bed and stop writing letters to your younger self on the internet. and yes, you’ll have the ability to do that in the future. it’s pretty fuckin’ cool.
p.s. you swear now. and drink. yeah i basically fail you.